It’s tough to know what your good at. Who gets to set the standard we’re shooting for anyway? It seems a little delusional and self absorbed if you set the standard for yourself. Letting someone close to you set the standard doesn’t really give you much to shoot for – let’s face it, moms love us the way we are no matter what. The general public let’s people know when they’re good at something by putting a market and following behind those they deem important, but sometimes if feels they hand out their awards on fashion more than talent.
I want to be somebody, but the measuring game often leaves me feeling like nobody. I think I’m good at art, but meeting the neighbor down the street who’s sold paintings for four figures, going on five, has left me feeling like a nobody. I think I’m a good pastor, but every conference I go to features speakers with four or five figure congregations and a list of other impressive accomplishments on their resume, also leaving me feeling like a nobody. I think I’m a good writer, but my run at submitting a book proposal to publishers this year has left me feeling like a nobody.
I think the biggest problem is when we catch ourselves waiting to be somebody big, therefore being nobody now. The high end galleries, mega churches, and big name publishers aren’t interested in my work, but the neighborhood art society, my local church, and a few handfuls of blog readers are. I’d rather be somebody small than a nobody waiting for something big.
I think it will be harder to be small and proud than great and humble. The thought of embracing our current smallness as a stepping stone toward greatness is an unsettling and disingenuous concept for me. I’d like to dive into the place God has given me in this world, as small as it may be, with no ambition to be otherwise.